Would Jesus Send Mass Emails?

Would Jesus send mass emails?
—anonymous

Quick answer: hell yes!

A more thoughtful answer could easily go on and on, for literally thousands of pages. You would have to discuss everything from who Jesus was to who Jesus is, and include questions like, what language would he be speaking, primarily, and is he taking a quantity over quality approach, or vice versa?

Here at the Think Tank, then, we are exercising our authority to present the definitive answer:

Trying to reach the most people possible while alienating the fewest, Jesus is operating under an assumed name, is not claiming to be the son of God, and is steering clear of AM radio and TV infomercials. He has a low key singing songwriting career going, occasionally publishes humorous pop philosophy books, tours the public radio talk shows and bookstore signings, uses facebook, twitter, etc, has a blog, a website, an alcoholic publicist, and sends out an irregular mass email at least once every couple of months, but no more frequently than once a week.